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祇 Reading ഢ Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger (English Edition) for kids ꔢ ePUB By Soraya Chemaly 믏

祇 Reading ഢ Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger (English Edition) for kids ꔢ ePUB By Soraya Chemaly 믏 祇 Reading ഢ Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger (English Edition) for kids ꔢ ePUB By Soraya Chemaly 믏 Rage Becomes Her INTRODUCTION NICE TO MEET YOU, RAGE My parents 1965 wedding was a lavish affair that went on for than twenty hours, with over five hundred guests in attendance Photos show glamorous women in long evening gowns and smiling men in carefully tailored black tie standing, in glittering groups, around a cake that covered the expanse of a five foot square table Among the most prized gifts my parents received that day was their wedding china These white and gold plates were than an expensive gesture they were an important symbol of adulthood and their communitys and familys approval of marriage in general and of this marriage in particular For my mother, they represented a core aspect of her identity that of being a woman, soon to be mother, the nurturer of her family Growing up, these look but dont touch dishes were at the top of a hierarchy of plates that my mother established When my siblings and I were small, we used them only on the rarest and most special occasions and always with great care Thats why, one day when I was fifteen, I was dumbfounded to see my mother standing on the long veranda outside our kitchen, chucking one china plate after another as far and as hard as she could into the hot, humid air Our kitchen was on the second floor of a house that sat perched at the top of a long, rolling hill I watched each dish soar through the atmosphere, its weight generating a sharp, steady trajectory before shattering into pieces on the terrace far below While the image is vivid in my mind, I have no memory of any sound What I remember most was that there was no noise at all as my mother methodically threw one, then another, then another, over and over until her hands were finally free She didnt utter a sound the entire time I have no idea if she even knew anyone was watching When she was done, she walked back into the kitchen and asked me how my school day had gone, as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened I desperately wanted to know what I had witnessed, but it didnt feel like a good time to ask questions, so I sat and worked on my homework as my mother prepared dinner and the day morphed into night We never talked about anger Why do we so rarely learn how to be angry Like most of us, I learned about anger in a vacuum of information, by watching the people around me what they did with their anger, how they responded to other people when they were mad I dont remember my parents or other adults ever talking to me about anger directly Sadness, yes Envy, anxiety, guilt, check, check, check But not anger It turns out that, for girls, this is par for the course While parents talk to girls about emotions than they do to boys, anger is excluded Reflect with me for a moment How did you first learn to think about emotions, and anger in particular Can you remember having any conversations with authority figures or role models about how to think about your anger or what to do with it If you are a woman, chances are the answer is no As far as my own early understanding of anger, the plate throwing incident said it all My mother may have been livid, but she gave every appearance of being cheerful and happy By staying silent and choosing this particular outlet for her feelings, she communicated a trove of information for example, that anger was experienced in isolation and was not worth sharing verbally with others That furious feelings are best kept to oneself That when they do inevitably come out, the results can be scary, shocking, and destructive My mother was acting in a way that remains typical for many women she was getting her anger out, but in a way that explicitly separated it from her relationships Most women report feeling the angriest in private and interpersonal settings They also prioritize their relationshipsat home, work, and even in political contextsin determining, consciously or not, if and how to express negative emotions Throwing plates is an example of a coping mechanism, but it is not an effective or healthy way to express anger Coping often involves self silencing and feelings of powerlessness Getting anger out in this way is not the same as envisioning anger as a transitional tool that helps you to change the world around you Plate throwing did, however, allow my mother to be angry without seeming angry In this way, it allowed her to be a good woman, which, significantly, meant not being demanding, loud, or expressing her own needs Even though this episode happened than thirty five years ago, it remains true that social norms continue to dictate how we think and feel about emotions, especially when it comes to women and anger But first, what happens when we experience anger Feeling anger involves a constellation of factors, including physiology, genetics, and cognitive processing These make up the character of anger For example, you might be a person who tends to get angry quickly, known as trait anger or you might be slower to anger and experience it mainly when provoked That is called state anger Context is equally critical, however Our responses to provocation, our assessments, and our judgments always involve a back and forth between character and context Where you are and who you may be angry with, as well as the broader social construction of anger part of whats called an emotional culture matter While we experience anger internally, it is mediated culturally and externally by other peoples expectations and social prohibitions Roles and responsibilities, power and privilege are the framers of our anger Relationships, culture, social status, exposure to discrimination, poverty, and access to power all factor into how we think about, experience, and utilize anger Different countries, regionseven neighboring communities in the same statehave been shown to have anger profiles, exhibiting different patterns of behavior and social dynamics So, for example, in some cultures anger is a way to vent frustration, but in others it is for exerting authority In the United States, anger in white men is often portrayed as justifiable and patriotic, but in black men, as criminality and in black women, as threat In the Western world, which this book focuses on, anger in women has been widely associated with madness Anger is also not unidirectional but part of endless mental, physical, and intellectual feedback loops that operate below our conscious understanding It is sometimes called a secondary emotionresulting from other, often hidden, feelings of shame or fear You might not always identify anger as part of what may be causing you discomfort, pain, or distress, but chances are that if you look closely, unexpressed or inadequately expressed anger plays a part in what you are experiencing For some of us, being angry causes anxiety, which, in turn, makes us angrier For others, anger becomes part of our bodies, causing physical discomfort, which then makes us short tempered, unhappy, and impairs our health These anger feedback loops often directly implicate unacknowledged social injustice One of the most common feedback loops that women live with involves anger caused by discrimination that, if denied, intensifies, increasing stress and its effects Of course, everyone feels anger Studies show that differences between mens and womens experiences of feeling angry are virtually nonexistent Where there is a difference, they defy stereotypes about men being the so called angry sex For a variety of reasons, which we will explore, women report feeling anger frequently, intensely, and for longer periods of time than men do Most episodes involving anger do not involve physical interactions but verbal ones, and women are likely than men to use angry and aggressive language Additionally, men frequently associate feeling powerful with experiencing anger, but women, notably, associate powerlessness with their anger If everyone feels anger, why focus on women Why does gender matter Because while women and men feel anger similarly, there are stark differences in how we respond to those feelings and how they are received by the people around us Men and women also tend to have different physiological responses to anger stimulating provocation Gender role expectations, often overlapping with racial role expectations, dictate the degree to which we can use anger effectively in personal contexts and to participate in civic and political life Despite differences, womens responses are routinely ignored in public discussion, in analyses of anger dynamics, and in many proposed anger management solutions Binary gender schemas are being challenged and dismantled every day, but they still profoundly govern our lives Gender schemasorganizing generalizations that we learn early in lifesimplify the world around us, but they also reproduce problematic discrimination Male and female categories assigned at birth immediately form the basis, in our families, for how we assign roles, attributes, responsibilities, and status They determine just as powerfully how we experience our feelings, as well as how they are perceived and responded to by others At home, children still learn quickly that for boys and men, anger reinforces traditional gender expectations, but that for girls and women, anger confounds them Its as children that most of us learn to regard anger as unfeminine, unattractive, and selfish Many of us are taught that our anger will be an imposition on others, making us irksome and unlikeable That it will alienate our loved ones or put off people we want to attract That it will twist our faces, make us ugly This is true even for those of us who have to use anger to defend ourselves in charged and dangerous situations As girls, we are not taught to acknowledge or manage our anger so much as fear, ignore, hide, and transform it On the other hand, anger and masculinity are powerfully enmeshed and reinforce one another In boys and men, anger has to be controlled, but it is often seen as a virtue, especially when it is used to protect, defend, or lead Anger is thought of in terms of disruption, loudness, authority, vulgarity, and physical aggression and domination, and couched in terms of violence and clichs of masculinity Boys learn early on about anger, but far less about other feelings, which handicaps themand societyin different ways Socially discouraged from seeming feminine in other words, being empathetic, vulnerable, and compassionate , their emotional alternatives often come down to withdrawal or aggressive expressions of anger As we move from our families to our communities, we become engaged in systems that distribute not only resources and cultural capital but also emotional expression Gender combines with race, class, age, and other aspects of our identities and social status to alter how we behave and are treated There is not a woman alive who does not understand that womens anger is openly reviled We dont need books, studies, theories, or specialists to tell us this During the past several years, Ive spoken to thousands of girls and women at schools, conferences, and corporations Without fail, afterward they come up to me to say the same two things they want to know how to stand up for themselves without sounding angry or bitter, and they want to share stories about how, when they do express anger about issues specifically relevant to their lives as women, people respond with doubt and often aggression Women experience discrimination differently, but we share the experiencein anger or merely when simply speaking assertivelyof being told we are crazy, irrational, even demonic If we are worried, and, as studies show, compelled to repackage, ignore, divert, or trivialize our anger, it is because we well understand the costs of displaying it Our society is infinitely creative in finding ways to dismiss and pathologize womens rage I have always understood that being seen as an angry womansometimes simply for sharing my thoughts out loudwould cast me as overemotional, irrational, passionate, maybe hysterical, and certainly a not objective and fuzzy thinker When a woman shows anger in institutional, political, and professional settings, she automatically violates gender norms She is met with aversion, perceived as hostile, irritable, less competent, and unlikeablethe kiss of death for a class of people expected to maintain social connections The same people who might opt to work for an angry sounding, aggressive man are likely to be less tolerant of the same behavior if the boss were a woman When a man becomes angry in an argument or debate, people are likely to abandon their own positions and defer to his But when a woman acts the same way, shes likely to elicit the opposite response For some of us, considered angry by nature and default, the risks of asserting ourselves, defending ourselves, or speaking out in support of issues that are important to us can be significant Black girls and women, for example, routinely silenced by Angry Black Woman stereotypes have to contend with abiding dangers of institutionalized violence that might result from their expressing justifiable rage The fact that men, as studies find, consider anger power enhancing in a way that women dont, makes sense because for men, anger is far likely to be power enhancing The lessons are subtle and consistent We go from being cute princesses, to drama queens, to high maintenance bitches Girls who object to unfairness or injustice are often teased and taunted Adult women are described as oversensitive or exaggerating Representations and responses like these, whether in families or in popular culture, teach us that our anger is not something we or anyone else should take seriously Women come to expect and dread mockery and ridicule as likely responses to their anger This persistent denial of subjectivity, knowledge, and reasonable concernscommonly known as gaslightingis deeply harmful and often abusive Womens anticipation of negative responses is why so many women remain silent about what they need, want, and feel, and why so many men can easily choose ignorance and dominance over intimacy Womens anger is usually disparaged in virtually all arenas, except those in which anger confirms gender role stereotypes about women as nurturers and reproductive agents This means we are allowed to be angry but not on our own behalves If a woman is angry in her place, as a mother or a teacher, for example, she is respected, and her anger is generally understood and acceptable If, however, she transgresses and is angry in what is thought of as a mens arenasuch as traditional politics or the workplaceshe is almost always penalized in some way Women arent somehow magically protected from these ideas and social norms We frequently internalize them, seeing our anger as incompatible with our primary designated roles as caretakers Even the incipient suggestion of angerin themselves or in other womenmakes some women profoundly uncomfortable In an effort not to seem angry, we ruminate We go out of our way to look rational and calm We minimize our anger, calling it frustration, impatience, exasperation, or irritation, words that dont convey the intrinsic social and public demand that anger does We learn to contain our selves our voices, hair, clothes, and, most importantly, speech Anger is usually about saying no in a world where women are conditioned to say almost anything but no Even our technology incorporates these ideas, in deferential female voiced virtual assistants Siri, Alexa, and Cortana come to mind for whom the responses yes and what can I do for you are prime directives and raisons dtre A cultivated feminine habit of prioritizing the needs of others and putting people at ease frequently puts us at a disadvantage In particular, girls and women learn to put aside anger in order to de escalate tension or conflict, lowering the temperature of encounters or situations that put us or others at risk We understand that abandoning our anger is a necessary adaptation to a perpetual undercurrent of possible male violence In a society where male violence toward women is a reality for many of us, we simply cannot know how a manwhether someone familiar or a strangerwill respond and if he will be violent We can only trust, hope, and minimize risk Layered on top of these habits is pervasive silence around the fact that we are constantly making these assessments And so, as we will see, the men around us at home, school, and work often actively deny our experiences or can be ignorant of the constant calculus we make when it comes to expressing ourselves If men knew how truly angry the women around them often areand understood the structures enforcing womens silencethey would be staggered Its important to note, up front, how much these behaviors are learned and tied to gender specifically There are plenty of men who exhibit stereotypically female anger behaviors, just as many women display male habits People who score higher for masculine traits are likely to express their anger openly and to feel comfortable doing so, whereas those who are feminine exhibit control over their anger, often masking it in other expressions Androgynous, nonbinary gender fluid people, freer from gender based displays and roles, tend to be able to express anger productively and, in general, to develop a robust ability to control and use their emotions effectively Anger is like water No matter how hard a person tries to dam, divert, or deny it, it will find a way, usually along the path of least resistance As I will discuss in this book, women often feel their anger in their bodies Unprocessed, anger threads itself through our appearances, bodies, eating habits, and relationships, fueling low self esteem, anxiety, depression, self harm, and actual physical illness The harms are than physical, however Gendered ideas about anger make us question ourselves, doubt our feelings, set aside our needs, and renounce our own capacity for moral conviction Ignoring anger makes us careless with ourselves and allows society to be careless with us It is notable, however, that treating womens anger and pain in these ways makes it easier to exploit usfor reproduction, labor, sex, and ideology Ask yourself, why would a society deny girls and women, from cradle to grave, the right to feel, express, and leverage anger and be respected when we do Anger has a bad rap, but it is actually one of the most hopeful and forward thinking of all our emotions It begets transformation, manifesting our passion and keeping us invested in the world It is a rational and emotional response to trespass, violation, and moral disorder It bridges the divide between what is and what ought to be, between a difficult past and an improved possibility Anger warns us viscerally of violation, threat, and insult Like many women, I am still constantly being reminded that its better if women didnt seem so angry What does better mean, exactly And why does it fall so disproportionately on the shoulders of women to be better by putting aside anger in order to understand and to forgive and forget Does it make us good people Is it healthy Does it enable us to protect our interests, bring change to struggling communities, or upend failing systems An unqualified no Mainly, it props up a profoundly corrupt status quo When we are angry and expect a reasonable response, we are walking, talking refutations of this status quo In expressing anger and demanding to be heard, we reveal the deeper belief that we can engage with and shape the world around usa right that, until now, has almost always been reserved for men Saying I am angry is a necessary first step to Listen Believe me Trust me I know Time to do something When a girl or woman is angry, she is saying What I am feeling, thinking, and saying matters As the treatment of our anger and the state of our politics vividly confirm, this is not an assurance that we can take for granted This is the real danger of our anger it makes it clear that we take ourselves seriously This is true in our homes and in our public lives By effectively severing anger from good womanhood, we chose to sever girls and women from the emotion that best protects us against danger and injustice That anger metaphors are filled with kitchen imageryanger simmers and smolders before reaching a boiling point a person has to mull things over and cool off we are supposed to contain or put a lid on our anger, or it will leave a bad taste in the mouthstrikes me as than an interesting coincidence As women, we often have to bite our tongues, eat our words, and swallow our pride Its almost, as one of my daughters put it, as if we are supposed to keep our anger in the kitchen Where we might, for example, throw plates I dont throw plates, but I do throw words It took me years to acknowledge my own anger, and when I did, I didnt know what to do with it I had the distinct sensation of being alien to myselfwhich was ironic, since the real inauthenticity was in my denying anger, not my recognizing it Now I write and write and write I write my rage onto paper and into bits and bytes I write anger out of my head and my body and put it out in the world where, frankly, it belongs This can cause deep discomfort in the people around me, and, at times, it has brought personal or professional costs But it also leads to richer and productive experiences, relationships, and life outcomes It took me too long to realize that the people most inclined to say You sound angry are the same people who uniformly dont care to ask Why Theyre interested in silence, not dialogue This response to women expressing anger happens on larger and larger scales in schools, places of worship, the workplace, and politics A society that does not respect womens anger is one that does not respect womennot as human beings, thinkers, knowers, active participants, or citizens Women around the world are clearly angry and acting on that emotion That means, inevitably, a backlash often among moderates who are fond of disparaging angry women as dangerous and unhinged It is easier to criticize the angry women than to ask the questions What is making you so angry and What can we do about it the answers to which have disruptive and revolutionary implications There is real urgency behind these questions We are living in what feels like an age of pronounced rage and near constant outrage There is a lot to be angry about, and everywhere you turn, people seem furious, indignant, and impatient Every time I see a bold, outspoken, and unapologetically angry woman, I applaud her because of what her expression represents culturally This book is about shifting our public understanding of anger It is about why girls and women saying the words I am angry matters to us as individuals and to our society It is not an endorsement of unbridled rage, or permission to deliver a swift roundhouse kick to the face of anyone who upsets you, or to regularly fill the spaces you live and work in with hostility and discomfort Its also distinctly not a self help or anger management book Self help, different from self efficacy, is frequently what you do when you arent getting the help you need from your society We cannot self help our way to being heard, taken seriously, paid fairly, cared for adequately, or treated with dignity We cannot self help our way to peace or to justice This book is, rather, an interrogation of questions that demand our attention, such as What would it mean to ungender our emotions What would the world look like if all of us were allowed to experience and productively express the full range of our emotions without penalty What if girls and women were not so often and effectively cut off from this particular emotion as a function of being feminine What do we lose, personally and as a society, by not listening to womens anger or respecting it when it does have a voice And, importantly, how does our treatment of womens anger free emotionality relate to democracy and put us at risk of authoritarianism My hope is that Rage Becomes Her will change our thinking about anger, gender, emotional life, and their political impacts I hope that it will arm you with tools to see yourself and your environment clearly, ultimately improving both your life and the lives of those in your orbit Because the truth is that anger isnt what gets in our wayit is our way All we have to do is own it.How many women cry when angry because weve held it in for so long How many discover that anger turned inward is depression Soraya Chemalys Rage Becomes Herwill be good for women, and for the future of this country After all, women have a lot to be angry about Gloria Steinem Advance Praise forRAGE BECOMES HER The Power of Womens Anger by Soraya Chemaly This explosive, vital and unapologetic book lifts the lid on a hugely important but little discussed aspect of gender inequality With skill, wit and sharp insight, Chemaly peels back layers of cultural norms and repression to lay bare the reality of womens rage She joins the dots to trace the connections between misogyny, violence and the repression of female anger She weaves a path that takes us from pornography to the playground, media to medicine This book should make you furious.It is a battle cry for womens right to rage teaching us that we have every right to be angry, and demanding that the world pays attention to that anger Laura Bates, author of Girl Up and Everyday Sexism Womens anger is the last taboo.In this provocativeexamination of the forbidden, hidden emotion,Soraya Chemalyasks What do we lose, personally and as a society, by not listening to womens anger or respecting it Answer the true voice of half of humanity If you want to understand why Metoo has swept the country,you need to read this book Katha Pollitt, poet and columnist, author of Learning To Drive And Other Life Stories Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly Following in the footsteps of classic feminist manifestos like The Feminine Mystique and Our Bodies, Ourselves, Rage is an eye opening book for twenty first century woman engaging, accessible credo offering us tools to re understand our anger harness its Power Women s Anger makes case that not what gets way, it sparking a new understanding one core emotions will give women liberating sense why their matters connect them entire universe Soraya sociological with incredible amount research on everything making angry problem Good Mad narrative journalistic account many times history present day has changed society better Eloquent memoir Book Chemaly Official utterly Bustle gives voice causes, expressions, possibilities female rage As women, we ve been urged so long bottle up anger, letting corrode bodies minds ways don t even realize Current Conversation Around Sep , Excerpt from My parents wedding was lavish affair went than hours, over five hundred guests attendance Urban News By Is A Nuanced Look At Despite fact have plenty things be mad about unequal pay, unfair labor practices Soraya Strand Books Buy copy or gift card store at event attendThis take place Rare Room, located rd floor via stairs elevator next door Broadway are angry, isn hard figure out Oct both And clear, this challenges come alongside either We Actual Facts About Rape HuffPost Remember facts rape Because turns whole lot people know less nothing subject Indeed they think There No Comparing Male Female Harassment Online TIME In addition difficulty comparing data sets varying size depth, however, male versus online harassment problematic reasons award winning writer activist whose work focuses role gender culture, politics, religion, media She Director Media Center Speech Project advocate freedom expression expanded civic political engagement Simple Words Every Girl Should Learn Role Reboot Men interrupt speak them, discount contributions discussion surprising regularity Here how should respond Here Are Alternet After I wrote confidence gap recently, items list, resonated most issue speech considered important sympathetic response What Happens When We Don Need Bodies Dec Feminists disciplines extensively ectogenesis could mean rights, structure family, class, race How Domestic Violence Militarism Open Floodgates year old white man named Devin Patrick Kelley who allegedly killed Sunday as attended church Sutherland Springs, Texas, had domestic violence Teach Kids That Liars message untrustworthy liars everywhere culture TV music, politics says Two weeks ago France arrested Select Your Own Seats Salesforce Select Unavailable Seattle Arts Lectures Calendar Seattle non profit organization champions literary arts engaging inspiring readers writers all generations greater Puget Sound region Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger (English Edition)

 

    • Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger (English Edition)
    • 3.4
    • 278
    • Format Kindle
    • 416 pages
    • Soraya Chemaly
    • Anglais
    • 08 September 2017

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