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ῳ Free Format Kindle Read [ Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life ] ῶ Kindle By Susan Forward ‛

ῳ Free Format Kindle Read [ Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life ] ῶ Kindle By Susan Forward ‛ ῳ Free Format Kindle Read [ Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life ] ῶ Kindle By Susan Forward ‛ Godlike ParentsThe Myth of the Perfect ParentThe ancient Greeks had a problem The gods looked down from their ethereal playground atop Mount Olympus and passed judgment on everything the Greeks were up to And if the gods weren t pleased, they were swift to punish They didn t have to be kind they didn t have to be just they didn t even have to be right In fact, they could be downright irrational At their whim, they could turn you into an echo or make you push a boulder uphill for all eternity Needless to say, the unpredictability of these powerful gods sowed quite a bit of fear and confusion among their mortal followers.Not unlike many toxic parent child relationships An unpredictable parent is a fearsome god in the eyes of a child.When we re very young, our godlike parents are everything to us Without them, we would be unloved, unprotected, unhoused, and unfed, living in a constant state of terror, knowing we were unable to survive alone They are our all powerful providers We need, they supply.With nothing and no one to judge them against, we assume them to be perfect parents As our world broadens beyond our crib, we develop a need to maintain this image of perfection as a defense against the great unknowns we increasingly encounter As long as we believe our parents are perfect, we feel protected.In our second and third years of life, we begin to assert our independence We resist toilet training and revel in our terrible twos We embrace the word no because it allows us to exercise some control over our lives, whereas yes is simply an acquiescence We struggle to develop a unique identity, establish our own will.The process of separating from parents reaches its peak during puberty and adolescence, when we actively confront parental values, tastes, and authority In a reasonably stable family, parents are able to withstand much of the anxiety that these changes create For the most part, they will attempt to tolerate, if not exactly encourage, their child s emerging independence The expression it s just a phase becomes a standard assurance for understanding parents, who remember their own teenage years and appreciate rebellion as a normal stage of emotional development.Toxic parents aren t so understanding From toilet training through adolescence, they tend to see rebellion or even individual differences as a personal attack They defend themselves by reinforcing their child s dependence and helplessness Instead of promoting healthy development, they unconsciously undermine it, often with the belief that they are acting in their child s best interest They may use phrases such as it builds character or she needs to learn right from wrong, but their arsenals of negativity really harm their child s self esteem, sabotaging any budding independence No matter how much these parents believe they re right, such assaults are confusing to a child, bewildering in their animosity, their vehemence, and their suddenness.Our culture and our religions are almost unanimous in upholding the omnipotence of parental authority It s acceptable to express anger at our husbands, wives, lovers, siblings, bosses, and friends, but it s almost taboo to assertively confront our parents How often have we heard the phrases don t talk back to your mother or don t you dare shout at your father The Judeo Christian tradition enshrines the taboo in our collective unconscious by pronouncing God the Father and directing us to honor thy father and mother The idea finds voices in our schools, our churches, our government a return to family values , even in our corporations According to the conventional wisdom, our parents are empowered to control us simply because they gave us life.The child is at the mercy of his godlike parents and, like the ancient Greeks, never knows when the next lightning bolt will strike But the child of toxic parents knows that the lightning is coming sooner or later This fear becomes deeply ingrained and grows with the child At the core of every formerly mistreated adult even high achievers is a little child who feels powerless and afraid.The Cost of Appeasing the GodsAs a child s self esteem is undermined, his dependence grows, and with it his need to believe that his parents are there to protect and provide The only way emotional assaults or physical abuse can make sense to a child is if he or she accepts responsibility for the toxic parent s behavior.No matter how toxic your parents might be, you still have a need to deify them Even if you understand, on one level, that your father was wrong to beat you, you may still believe he was justified Intellectual understanding is not enough to convince your emotions that you were not responsible.As one of my clients put it I thought they were perfect, so when they treated me badly, I figured I was bad.There are two central doctrines in this faith of godlike parents 1.I am bad and my parents are good.2.I am weak and my parents are strong.These are powerful beliefs that can long outlive your physical dependence on your parents These beliefs keep the faith alive they allow you to avoid facing the painful truth that your godlike parents actually betrayed you when you were most vulnerable.Your first step toward controlling your life is to face that truth for yourself It will take courage, but if you re reading this book, you ve already made a commitment to change That took courage, too.They Never Let Me Forget How I Disgraced ThemSandy, 28, a striking brunette who seemed to have it all, was seriously depressed when she first came to see me She told me that she was unhappy with everything in her life She had been a floral designer for several years at a prestigious shop She had always dreamed of opening her own business, but she was convinced that she wasn t smart enough to succeed She was terrified of failure.Sandy had also been trying to get pregnant for than two years, with no success As we talked, I began to see that her inability to get pregnant was causing her to feel strong resentment toward her husband and inadequate in their relationship, despite the fact that he sounded genuinely understanding and loving A recent conversation with her mother had aggravated the issue This whole pregnancy has become a real obsession with me When I had lunch with my mom I told her how disappointed I was She said to me, I ll bet it s that abortion you had The Lord works in mysterious ways I haven t been able to stop crying since She never lets me forget.I asked her about the abortion After some initial hesitancy, she told me the story It happened when I was in high school My parents were very, very strict Catholics, so I went to parochial school I developed early, and by the time I was twelve, I was five foot six, weighed one hundred thirty pounds, and wore a 36 C bra Boys started paying attention to me, and I really liked it It drove my dad crazy The first time he caught me kissing a boy good night, he called me a whore so loud that the whole neighborhood heard It was downhill from there Every time I went out with a boy, Dad told me I was going to hell He never let up I figured I was damned anyway, so when I was fifteen I slept with this guy Just my luck, I got pregnant When my folks found out, they went nuts Then I told them I wanted an abortion they totally lost it They must have screamed at me about mortal sin a thousand times If I wasn t going to hell already, they were sure this would clinch it The only way I could get them to sign a consent was to threaten to kill myself.I asked Sandy how things went for her after the abortion She slumped down in her chair with a dejected look that made my heart ache.Talk about a fall from grace I mean, Dad made me feel horrible enough before, but now I felt like I didn t even have a right to exist The ashamed I felt, the harder I tried to make things right I just wanted to turn back the clock, get back the love I had when I was little But they never miss a chance to bring it up They re like a broken record about what I did and how I disgraced them I can t blame them I should ve never done what I did I mean, they had such high moral expectations for me Now I just want to make it up to them for hurting them so bad with my sins So I do anything they want me to do It drives my husband crazy He and I get in these huge fights about it But I can t help it I just want them to forgive me.As I listened to this lovely young woman, I was very touched by the suffering her parents behavior had caused her and by how much she needed to deny their responsibility for that suffering She seemed almost desperate to convince me that she was to blame for all that happened to her Sandy s self blame was compounded by her parents unyielding religious beliefs I knew I had my work cut out for me if Sandy was to see how genuinely cruel and emotionally abusive her parents had been to her I decided this was not a time to be nonjudgmental.Susan You know something I m really angry for that young girl I think your parents were awful to you I think they misused your religion to punish you I don t think you deserved any of it.Sandy I committed two mortal sins Susan Look, you were just a kid Maybe you made some mistakes, but you don t have to keep paying for them forever Even the Church lets you atone and get on with your life If your parents were as good as you say they are, they would have shown some compassion for you.Sandy They were trying to save my soul If they didn t love me so much, they wouldn t care.Susan Let s look at this from a different perspective What if you hadn t had that abortion And you had a little girl She d be about sixteen now, right Sandy nodded, trying to figure out where I was headed.Susan Suppose she got pregnant Would you treat her like your parents treated you Sandy Not in a million years Sandy realized the implications of what she d said.Susan You d be loving And your parents should have been loving That s their failure, not yours.Sandy had spent half her life constructing an elaborate wall of defense Such defensive walls are all too common among adult children of toxic parents They can be made of a variety of psychological building blocks, but the most common, the primary material in Sandy s wall, is a particularly obstinate brick called denial.The Power of DenialDenial is both the most primitive and the most powerful of psychological defenses It employs a make believe reality to minimize, or even negate, the impact of certain painful life experiences It even makes some of us forget what our parents did to us, allowing us to keep them on their pedestals.The relief provided by denial is temporary at best, and the price for this relief is high Denial is the lid on our emotional pressure cooker the longer we leave it on, the pressure we build up Sooner or later, that pressure is bound to pop the lid, and we have an emotional crisis When that happens, we have to face the truths we ve been so desperately trying to avoid, except now we ve got to face them during a period of extreme stress If we can deal with our denial up front, we can avoid the crisis by opening the pressure valve and leting it out easily.Unfortunately, your own denial is not the only denial you may have to contend with Your parents have denial systems of their own When you are struggling to reconstruct the truth of your past, especially when that truth reflects poorly on them, your parents may insist that it wasn t so bad, it didn t happen that way, or even that it didn t happen at all Such statements can frustrate your attempts to reconstruct your personal history, leading you to question your own impressions and memories They undercut your confidence in your ability to perceive reality, making it that much harder to rebuild your self esteem.Sandy s denial was so strong that not only couldn t she see her own reality, she couldn t even acknowledge that there was another reality to see I empathized with her pain, but I had to get her at least to consider the possibility that she had a false image of her parents I tried to be as nonthreatening as possible I respect the fact that you love your parents and that you believe they re good people I m sure they did some very good things for you when you were growing up But there s got to be a part of you that knows or at least senses that loving parents don t assault their child s dignity and self worth so relentlessly I don t want to pull you away from your parents or your religion You don t have to disown them or renounce the Church But a big part of lifting your depression may depend on giving up the fantasy that they re perfect They were cruel to you They hurt you Whatever you did, you had already done No amount of haranguing from them was going to change that Can t you feel how deeply they hurt the sensitive young girl inside of you And how unnecessary it was Sandy s yes was barely audible I asked her if it scared her to think about it She just nodded, unable to talk about the depth of her fear But she was brave enough to hang in there.The Hopeless HopeAfter two months in therapy, Sandy had made some progress but was still clinging to the myth of her perfect parents Until she shattered that myth, she would continue to blame herself for all the unhappiness of her life I asked her to invite her parents to a therapy session I hoped that if I could get them to see how deeply their behavior had affected Sandy s life, they might admit some of their responsibility, making it easier for Sandy to begin repairing her negative self image.We barely had time to get acquainted before her father blurted You don t know what a bad kid she was, Doctor She went nuts over boys and kept leading them on All of her problems today are because of that damned abortion.I could see tears well up in Sandy s eyes I rushed to defend herA dynamic, powerful, hard hitting book It offers tremendous hope as well as understanding It could truly be a lifesaver Abigail Van Buren, Dear AbbyI consider Susan Forward to be among the foremost therapists of our age John Bradshaw, author of Healing the Shame That Binds You and HomecomingBantam Books by Susan Forward Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them When Loving Hurts and You Dont Know WhyObsessive Love When It Hurts Too Much to Let GoToxic Parents Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life Toxic Parents Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Toxic Reclaiming Your Life out of based on ratings reviews In this remarkable self help guide, Dr Susan Forward drawn case histories the real life voices adult children toxic parents to you free yourself from frustrating patterns your relationship with discover an exciting new world This was a quick read but really didn t offer any useful, or world, advice how overcome parenting reclaim The book mostly focused realizing confronting I would have given stars if could Forward, hurtful legacy manifests itself in adulthood as difficulties relationships, careers, decision making, depression Whatever burden carry shame family alcoholism abandonment scars verbal physical abuse ultimate betrayal incest can release demons blame once for all by is great resource anyone who suffering at hands parent internationally recognized therapist writer, How Deal With Oct , How Parent BULLIEs Ben Leichtling offers suggestions Mothers Who Can Love A Healing Guide Daughters, Forward, PhD author smash bestseller Parents, powerful look devastating impact unloving mothers their daughters provides clear, effective techniques overcoming that painful Quotes About That ll Help Heal Broken Heart Fighting became way seemed perfectly normal Share Stronger Breaks Parent scarring hurt comes probably isn something we talk about enough None us are perfect, including our parents, there point which imperfect becomes destructive, taking away love, warmth nurturing they deserve replacing it awful Tips For Dealing Bustle Boundaries not, typically, things lot time for, least other people So may not fully developed understood own no go zones, space, Transforming Mind Parents following procedure To take understanding these issues further recommend purchase checklist used starting get deeply buried emotions Buy nd Revised Craig Buck ISBN s Book Store Everyday low prices delivery eligible orders What parent If has been ready seek then Life, brings simple, straightforward pertinent ways recognizing dealing pain No one deals better than Elderly Our Aging handle them, most frequent topics discussed online Support Group Indeed, care elderly worst scenario aging Susan Therapist, Best Selling Author nation leading psychotherapist, best selling highly sought after lecturer, talkshow guest media personality Her landmark book, Men Hate Women Them, kept her top major lists consecutive weeks Patterns Mother Daughter Relationships Despite commonalities, differences Hi JM, am saddened story, course m psychologist urge some issue Is Relationship PsychAlive relationships often occur when two feel intense draw toward another, despite both caused signaled clues The Effects Stress On Brain Body When brain constantly exposed environment, will shut down protect environment continues working, rate growth slows right down, creating vulnerability anxiety, less resilience stress compassion triumph over childhood trauma Adverse experiences, commonly called ACEs, include witnessing conflict between having mental illness substance issueThey also CPEIP Focuses practices policies prevent poor birth outcomes, build strong families, promote maternal child healthThe FSU Center unit under administrative arm University Institute Science Public Affair We focuses vulnerable infants toddlers be positively affected through health, quality Fourteen Symptoms Church Leaders ThomRainer Most church leaders godly healthy leader, figuratively poisonous organization, rare But leader harm churches Christian organizations And hurts entire cause Christ word Love Like Never Happened heartache Sometimes find ourselves netted mind boggling conditions re betrayed, deceived, abused Sadly, many times persons expect protect, support perpetrators Overcoming pantry moth plague Ordinary Homestead ve reading blog while, know dealt evil, stupid moths while Even nip them bud, still continue shoulder fluttering wings quite surprised almost alarmed become A Helpful Envy Becoming Minimalist Very few argue positive influence envy lives fact, quickly recognize its harmful effects It fosters discontent distress binds freedom leads resentment bitterness causes do wouldn normally Paleo diet avoid grains because food toxins contain, eat like going style Read why bad idea Toxoplasma Of Rage Slate Star Codex seems different, though, requires rejecting ideology ingroup, namely Catholicism makes sense identifying Catholic resent Protestants found weaken Catholicism, apparently took soup were ostracized Goodreads grow up feeling tremendous confusion what love means supposed did extremely name From Trade Paperback edition manipulate control you, never appreciate always criticize try come renowned therapist, number New York Times bestsellers well Betrayal Innocence Incest Its Devastation, Money Demons, Emotional Blackmail, Lover Liar, Laws Signs You Have HealthyWay good news is, raised parent, happy Studies show therapy, abusive even first step Think maybe got penguinrandomhouse possible heal begins left behind won story end Here move forward okay let must kids bought year came suggested so Everyone knows someone victim, struggling Day Care worker wanted Many People Don Realize override boundaries every turn, numerous problems example, open door without knocking sets pattern hard properly understand laterToxic FREE shipping qualifying Are Did tell worthless use discipline Emotional Blackmail Use Fear Fear, Obligation, Guilt Manipulate Donna Frazier practical guide communication break blackmail cycle good, Wikipedia FOG terms, popularized psychotherapist controlling theory fear, obligation, guilt transactional dynamics play controller person being controlled Understanding useful trying extricate behavior another Anderson Abandonment recent lingering wound past Having trouble finding getting last Lawrence Gourmet Foods As premiere boutique caterer, unique approach event planning party design three decades experience, truly throw B Anthony ANTHONY, Brownell, reformer, born South Adams, Massachusetts, Feb Daniel Anthony, father, cotton manufacturer, liberal Quaker, educated his support, employed skillful teachers house MARIA SHRIVER POWERED BY INSPIRATION Welcome my digital home believe purpose mission uniquely Join me making difference I original voice Siri CNN Bennett suburban Atlanta says she US version Apple iPhone SusanAfter blogged five years Fifty, Susan, since Fifty Not Frumpy Mr Mickey share battling sort autoimmune problem MRI Dr Sue Hollinsworth Practice Practice behalf dental team, welcome patients goal partner achieve optimum health Colantuono career doing everything work, advice, just moving Why shares surprising piece might heard before plainly talk, aimed audience women, universal takeaways men grads midcareer workers Why Should Be Mentor Forbes May During conversation Bender Phelps, founder Odyssey Mentoring Aspire Higher, told mentors make average WOW focus divorced G Komen Foundation ago public criticisms criticism easy all, criticizing huge organization claims committed cure disease choice words related Motivating Employees Work thebalancecareers reality, motivate employees, already motivated manager, charged figuring tap into motivation accomplish work goalsFortunately, key environmental factors necessary Relationships LiveAbout Empower tools, tips happiness success dating Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

 

    • Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
    • 2.2
    • 134
    • Format Kindle
    • 320 pages
    • 9780553381405
    • Susan Forward
    • Anglais
    • 06 February 2016

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